An Open Letter from an Egyptian with an Eating Disorder

Previously published on Egyptian Streets.

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The thing about eating disorders is that it’s an invisible illness and the physical ramifications of that illness only appear after a long period of time of abusing one’s own body. Just like any psychological or mental illness, we shy away from the discussion, leaving many women, men, and children, struggling in the dark, feeling helpless and hopeless.

While many believe eating disorders are secluded to the West, it is highly occurring in the East. People still give too much thought into what is considered beautiful in their side of the world. They put themselves through hell and back to fit the societal view or perception of “true beauty.”

Whether it is anorexia, bulimia, over eating, or excessive exercising, it is all there and people are suffering from it. Yet, we turn a blind eye to it. Why?

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People find the topic of eating disorders difficult to discuss because it is uncomfortable for the person suffering from it and the person that is reaching out to help. Let’s consider this from both aspects.

First, the person with the eating disorder feels ashamed of having an eating disorder and is constantly saying mean and hateful things about themselves to themselves. This only makes the eating disorder worsen and as time goes by, self-esteem is demolished and the person believes that they are unworthy of help. Therefore, when someone reaches out, they feel confused, conflicted and undeserving of treatment.

Secondly, the family member or friend that is reaching out to help someone with an eating disorder goes through a series of feelings that often leave them in anguish. It is not easy to see someone you love self-destruct and you end up feeling helpless. Because of the fact that eating disorders are widely misunderstood in the region, especially in Egypt, people reach out to people with eating disorders in ways that only worsen the eating disorder. For example, parents hide food so it doesn’t go to waste or friends telling someone to “snap out of it” because it’s no big deal. Those manners and ways of reaching out worsen eating disorders. You can’t force someone to eat. You can’t force someone to not binge and purge. You can’t force someone to stop over eating and you cannot stop someone from having an eating disorder if you don’t understand the heart of the issue.

Instead, understand that recovering from such illness is a long and hard process. Accept that there will be setbacks. Learn to love unconditionally and show sufferers that you have an unshaken belief that they have the strength and the will to recover.

While it is a difficult topic to approach and an uncomfortable discussion to have, it is essential that we understand eating disorders, the causes and how to effectively recover from such a menacing and deceiving disease.

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The study of eating disorders continues and while there were multiple medical and psychological breakthroughs, little is known about it in Egypt. This leaves psychologists baffled, attempting to heal the issue with the use of medication which more often than not is a complete failure. It is like putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. It won’t work.

As for the thousands of people suffering from this life-threating illness, they are left helpless and hopeless in an everlasting cycle of self-hatred and blame for having an eating disorder and depression. They feel shame for not being able to recover, and hopelessness for not knowing how and where to go for help.

That said, there are a handful of qualified doctors who are often overpriced and very inaccessible. For instance, EGP 500 for a 50-minute session to undergo cognitive behavioral therapy is unacceptable. I know that because that is how much my therapist costs per session.

Which begs the question: What about the middle and lower class individuals that are suffering from devastating eating disorders but have no access to treatment – a basic human right that should not only be limited to the privileged?

Eating disorders are common and spreading in Egypt. In fact, chances are you know someone that is secretly suffering from an eating disorder. It is spreading to the point where nine-year-olds are refusing to eating because they don’t want to get “fat.” Like “fat” is the worst thing you can be.

Why are we so focused on our looks and how others look? Why do we define ourselves and others with the skin color and mere numbers on a scale? Why do we attack one another using derogatory, and quite pathetic, insults such as “fat” or “chicken bones?” Have we forgotten that people are more than their bodies?

Open up the discussion and start addressing it. Do the research and look for the symptoms of all the eating disorders out there because those suffering are often trying to call out for help and are never heard. Be their voice and their outlet and provide them with the comfort of knowing that they’re not alone in their struggle, that they have the opportunity to recover.

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I was lucky enough to find support through friends and family members. I was lucky enough that someone confronted me and made me see what I was doing to my body and my mental health. I was lucky enough to learn that my life is more than my look, my body image, or what is considered beautiful.

My desire to live to is larger than my desire to be accepted. Two people saved my life, the person that made me see what I refused to see in the past – someone I am eternally grateful for and blessed to have in my life – and myself, because I took a step forward and decided to seek the help I need. It’s not easy to be putting on weight for someone who was obsessed with keeping weight off, but my health and mental stability is more important than a thigh gap and a flat stomach.

How My Dog Saved My Life

Previously published on Egyptian Streets.

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I remember how I wrote my suicide letter and had the knife to my wrist. My beautiful gorgeous dog walked in and kissed me. He starting weeping and I understood he didn’t want me to go through with that. And just for that act, I didn’t kill myself.

As an animal’s rights activist and a person who suffers from depression in a country that has no respect for animal life, and sometimes even human lives, I gave up. The more I saw what was happening, the more depressed I got. I stopped caring about what people did or said. I stopped caring about my life and how it would affect my loved ones and I ended up with a massive meltdown. Something I am recovering from, to this day.

Since 28 October 2010, Chiko, my dog, helped me throughout my depression, barking me out of jumping off a window ledge, slitting my wrists and hanging myself. He saved me and for the life of me, I don’t see why or how a normal person would actively seek to hurt an animal. Why would you demolish innocence?

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As you can tell from this, I haven’t had the easiest of lives and I have battled depression for a long time. But I am here now because of a soul that is often harmed by human beings. I am still here today because if it weren’t for his compassion, his love, and his care, I would’ve been long gone by now. But for some reason, most people in this country do not understand how wonderful all animals are. Instead, they poison and shoot them. They breed and they kill them. They rape and burn them. All because we think we’re above them.

We are not, and we definitely are not worth more. If anything, the human species have proven otherwise on constant a basis.

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Human beings, who consider themselves as humane, are the farthest thing from that. We do the most inhumane things ever recorded and we live to use and abuse. I saw cats being poisoned because it unsuited the rich. I saw dogs being shot and poisoned because they were inconvenient for the people living in the neighborhood. I saw horses with legs tied up unable to gallop along the highway. I saw how we, humans, manage to abuse the life of another and it’s utterly wrong and damaging.

If we, as a “civilized” society, do not change our ways and work effectively to address this issue of animal cruelty in Egypt, we will be doomed. We will be teaching our children that it’s okay to put puppies in a bag and kick away at them. We will be teaching children that it’s okay to kick cats on the streets. We will be teaching our children that not only is it right to abuse an animal but it’s their right, their duty, to abuse them.

We will be raising a generation that lives off violence and breeds hate. We will be raising a generation that is vein and egotistical, and we will raise a generation that will be unqualified to handle a life of a human being, let alone an animal.

Writing this, I found myself thinking about all those gracious souls that died in vein by mankind, on the hands of ‘humanity’. I couldn’t help but wish Chiko knew how thankful I am he is in my life.

Ramadan Spirit Should Last All Year

Ramadan is the month that almost every Muslim in the world looks forward to – the month when you get to recant your sins and ask god forgiveness. But beyond that, Ramadan is the month of charity, unity, and genuine generosity.

Many charities and non-profit organizations use TV commercials and other marketing tools to call for much needed donations. They ask for clothing, food, medication and money to help out the homeless and the people living below the poverty line and we, as a society and regardless of our religious beliefs, respond to that.

Whether it’s through donations to a variety of charity organizations or simple acts of kindness towards strangers, we find a way to give back and simply honor the needs of those who are less fortunate than we are.

However once Ramadan is over and we no longer have constant reminders plastered on our television screens, the majority of donations are no longer provided and here’s exactly where we fall short.

According to the UN Food Program (WFP) and the International Food Policy Research Institute (IFPRI) there are currently 13.7 million Egyptians that suffer from food insecurity – 3.5 million of whom live in Cairo alone.

The Egyptian government’s Central Agency for Public Mobilization and Statistics (CAPMAS) reported that the country’s poverty rate has increased in the past 4 years and it estimates that the number of Egyptians living below the poverty line has reached 26.3% in urban areas and 58% in rural areas.

The rapid growth of this issue attracted national and international attention in recent years and there are many NGOs as well as governmental organizations that are trying to tackle down the problem.

There are numerous organizations that do plenty of work with the very small amounts of money they are given. Organizations like the Hope Village Society which focuses on the rescue and rehabilitation of homeless children and The Egyptian Food Bank which is dedicated to feeding the poor are in desperate need for public awareness because they rely solely on donations and sponsorship.

Nevertheless, we still need to have some sort of alternative solution. All Egyptian communities must mobilize and take action. Perhaps by starting individual projects and initiatives to feed the homeless and the poor on our very own streets and blocks – taking turns and feeding them by creating food stands that don’t shut down once Ramadan is over but is constantly there. For example, make it a point to feed a homeless person on your way to work or school and encourage your friends, family and neighbors to do the same: something as simple as bag full sandwiches provided by a capable person to an incapable person would do the deed.

Another simple idea can be adapted from a man in Saudi Arabia who put a fridge outside his home and urged his neighbors to donate left over food to feed the poor and the homeless.

Additionally, children are very impressionable and tend to imitate their parents’ actions. They learn at a very young age how to act and react to things and therefore we must show them that we all have social responsibilities and we must teach them to make due with theirs. They must learn that their very existence is essential to their community by encouraging them to be kind and generous to the poor and needy.

Being kind and generous shouldn’t have a time frame or an expiration date because a simple deed can go a very long way in a person’s life. What we do as individuals and as a society matters and we make the conscious choice and decision to either help out or turn a blind eye.

The solution to this major dilemma our society is currently facing does not have to be extravagant and over the top. The solution to this dilemma is minor acts done by those who are dedicated and empathetic enough to make a lasting change.

A Letter to the “Man” Who Sexually Assaulted Me

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A little over few months ago, I was sitting in a movie theater with a friend. Whilst cracking jokes and having a jolly good time, he decided that due to the fact that I was tipsy, it would be a good idea to sexually assault me.

For the umpteenth time in my 25 years, I was forced to go through the ordeal of sexual assault and violation.

I am writing this for every woman, man or child that ever had to go through this ordeal. I am writing this for every living person on this earth because this does not only affect the victims, it affects society and modern civilization. I am writing this because I refused to be shamed or blamed into staying quiet.

How is it possible that in this day and age, people think it’s OK to violate someone sexually because they’re intoxicated? How is it possible that in this day and age, people like myself, the victims of a crime, feel guilty and ashamed? How the fuck is it possible that people like him, predators, get off the hook so easily? Like they did nothing wrong? Like it was their god given right to take advantage of someone who is obviously not in the position to consent to sexual advances?

To this man I say, it is because of people like you that others find it so hard to trust. It is because people like you that humanity is facing a major downfall. It is because of people like you, society is utterly and truly fucked.

Thank you for giving me the reminder that the uphill battle against sexual assault is nowhere near ending. Thank you for giving me the reminder to speak up and fight against people like you. Thank you for giving me the reminder that as long people like you exist, people like me will only be that much stronger and more determined to stand against predators like you.

You have given me a much needed reminder to rise up.

Addressing Animal Cruelty in Egypt

A few months ago, a man decided to bludgeon to death a few newborn puppies for no reason whatsoever. Normally, this would surprise anyone – anyone with a heart and a soul. However, in a world that lacks the basic understanding of humanity and is unable to feel compassion towards other species, this has become a regular occurrence.

Studies in criminology and psychology indicate that cruelty towards animals goes hand in hand with cruelty and aggression towards human beings. According to Robert K. Ressler, who developed profiles of serial killers for the Federal Bureau of Investigation, people who repeatedly torture and kill animals have high levels of aggression towards people as well.

Another study done by MSPCA, Professors Arnold Arluke and Jack Levin of Northeastern University and Carter Luke examined the relationship between violence against animals and crime in the general public. The study results indicated that 70% of those who committed crimes against animals are involved in other violent crimes.

The law addressing animal cruelty in Egypt is article 357 in the penal code. It states that a person is fined a whopping 200 LE ($US 25) or imprisoned for up to six months. To put it bluntly, this law is a joke because if we don’t have a more severe punishment towards cruelty, then any moron with a knife or a blunt object will continue to kill animals needlessly.

Also, the Egyptian government is known for its horrific murders of stray dogs due to “over population” by poisoning them using strychnine – a deadly pesticide, and shooting them. In fact, this disgusting and miscalculated campaign is currently running. If the country’s own government does not respect life, and we have a pathetic law against animal cruelty, how will the public ever change?

A country and its government, to put it quite simply, has the responsibility to protect all living beings living on its land. Not just human beings.

Another issue people need to address is our educational system. We do not teach children about animals and their rights. We do not teach them that animals are intelligent and are able to feel pain physically and emotionally. We fail miserably at teaching them their due responsibility towards animals because we lack empathy.

Everyone is born with compassion. Reclaim it and use it to educate your children and the generations that are yet to come.

World of Fools

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“How many times have people used a pen or paintbrush because they couldn’t pull the trigger?” – Virginia Woolf, from Selected Essays.

What I am about to write next, is nothing inspirational or special. What I am about to write next is simply what I’ve been thinking about all day, every day for quite some time now.

I feel nothing – not an ounce of happiness or an ounce of sadness. I’m just overcome by this feeling of emptiness, the pure deep hollowness that takes over a person when they have nothing to lose and nothing to live for – I am struggling to regain my faith in humanity and the world.

It’s tragic really, how the world and how we, supposedly the most civilized and advanced beings to roam this earth, function in this day and time. We go about our daily routines and pretend we’re intelligent and aware when really, we’re either a bunch of ignorant morons or depraved assholes who’s sole purpose is to get rich.

How intelligent are we, as a species, if we’re defined and controlled by a mere piece of paper? We have become grotesquely enslaved that we barely notice it. And why? Is it because we have become too self-centered and self-absorbed with our own problems to get to the root of things? Think about it really, it’s like we’re programmed to believe in something and we have become nothing but machines with an expiration date.

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|- Second Half of 2016 -| Expect to see big changes in politics, economy, religion, disclosure, the media and so on. We are moving rapidly through the awakening process by: ·Shedding lifetimes of fear, pain and suffering (dark night of the soul)….. · Feeling and seeing truth; within ourselves and as a Collective. · Shattering illusions and wanting more change for the world. On the lighter side, this intense journey will be facilitated and eased by the First Wavers who, having gone through everything recently, know exactly how to help, heal, and guide the recently awakened-| ❤ Channeled message: HigherSelf #mytruth #awakening #ascension #spiritualawakening #enlightenment #government #politics #disclosure #Extraterrestrial #spiritualevolution #consciousness #consciousawareness #consciousevolution #higherself #higherconsciousness #esoteric #lightworker #oldsoul #universe #indigo #freespirits #freedom #change #metaphysics

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There are kids dying of hunger and thirst and others dying of obesity and yet we refuse to share. There are animals going extinct and our seas are toxic and dying yet we refuse to change the way we function. There are men, women, and children getting raped or assaulted and yet we refuse to educate. There are people buying million dollar mansions and others who are dying out in the freezing cold. There are kids who are killing themselves because they’re treated like pariahs and yet we refuse to accept them the way they are. There are people who are ashamed of having mental disorders and yet we deny them the very kindness, love and support they need.

We bully. We lie. We kill. We burn. We destroy. We abuse. We judge and we betray. We hate and we discriminate. – That’s what we, human beings, excel at.

We value nothing but materialistic things and go out of our way to satisfy our worldly desires. We care more about money than about feeding the hungry and sheltering the poor. We care more about breast sizes and numbers on a scale than the actual soul of a human being.

We are nothing. We spread like cancer and we over-populated the planet – we filled it with so much hate, ignorance, and intolerance.

We don’t understand the meaning of life – what it means to live and to love. We don’t understand what it means to selflessly care and be kind. We don’t even have the ability to understand one another.

So here I am, using a pen instead of a gun, a paintbrush instead of a bomb, and my words instead of fists because I refuse to be silenced – I refuse to join this world of fools.

Stop Killing Egypt’s Animals

Previously published on Egyptian Streets.

His name is Chiko, a five year old who was found in a cemetery. His beautiful golden hair had fallen off, and with little to no food, Chiko could not fight the horrendous infections he had in his eyes and was left with multiple burns on his bare skin. He was frail and weak but had the personality of a devoted angel.

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Yet, he was just yet another case of an abandoned, abused, and forgotten dog at ESMA’s (Egyptian Society for Mercy to Animals) shelter.

It was around that time my younger sister was begging my mother to get a dog, and after multiple sit downs and discussions, she finally agreed. A few short days later, Chiko became a part of our family and even though he is a feisty little fellow, we cannot imagine our lives without him.

The reason why I felt the urge to write this article was because no matter where you go or what street you are on, there is always some sort of cruel act directed at an animal by someone. Whether it is kicking or flipping a cigarette at them, it is something that has become so common that it has become the norm. It is the norm to dismiss, injure or physically harm an animal.

In 2007 and early 2013, a mass shooting of stray dogs took place in Egypt. With hundreds of animals dead and their blood left to rot on the streets, the Egyptian government decided to look for other alternatives. Consequently, the government as well as large groups of the Egyptian society has found a ”cleaner” way to eliminate those stray animals by using poison instead. This does not only cause untimely deaths of countless cats and dogs that belong to numerous families and individuals, but it also causes the suffering and incredibly painful deaths of innocent animals.

People have become so egotistical and vain to the point where they do not only dismiss innocent beings that are hurt, but are also actively participating in the harm that is being afflicted on them. Who cares if a cat is kicked so hard it limps away? Why slow the car when a dog is crossing the street? Who cares if a dog is distressed from the heat and is in desperate need of water? It is just an animal at the end of day, right?

People within the animal rights community always hear the same excuses and arguments when they try educating the public on animal rights and welfare. We always get the “when we help the poor we’ll think about the animals” argument, or the ”they’re everywhere and they’re over populated, so what if we kill a few” argument.

These common perceptions need to change for a variety of reasons. For starters, a human life is no greater than a non-human’s life. Life is life, and like human beings, animals have the ability to think and the ability to feel – they have a real comprehensible understanding of feelings on an emotional level. Meaning, like humans, animals can experience negative and positive feelings and are able to develop thoughts and retain memories.

Second of all, killing stray animals is a ridiculous solution to the problem of overpopulation. The human race is over populated so why not just ”kill a few”?

The solution to the over population is to neuter and spay those animals. Multiple well respected veterinary clinics and active members within the Maadi community have come together to resolve the issue without the needless killing of animals, which is how the Maadi TNR Initiative (Trap, Neuter, and Release) was born.

This program is a community based initiative that is not sponsored by the government and is solely run by active members within the Maadi community and veterinarians. The ultimate goal of the Maadi TNR Initiative is help capture stray animals. Veterinarians then neuter/spay them, provide the needed medical care and then release the animals. Perhaps other communities can come up with similar programs or at the very least, take on this one?

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There is a common belief among animal rights activists that when you rescue or adopt animals you are rescuing them when, in fact, it is the opposite that is true – you are the one that ends up being rescued. Letting go of the social stigma that accompanies stray animals is another needed change.

Rather than buying animals from pet shops and breeders, visit shelters and adopt instead. After all, if you are looking to include a family member or welcome an addition to your family, the breed of the animal you are rescuing should not be a factor in your decision making process. You are rescuing a soul not buying an expensive watch.

Educational reform is an initial factor and if focused on, animal rights in this country will actually be addressed. Children are tender and instinctively compassionate and curious about all living beings around them. Yet, at a young age, we disconnect those feelings by allowing them to see the disturbing slaughter of animals and encourage them to play with the blood of what was, a few seconds ago, a breathing, living life. Therefore, they grow up to be disconnected, apathetic and oblivious to anything else that is not a human being.

ESMA is currently running campaigns to try to change that perception in our youth. They’re going to schools and enabling children to once again connect with animals and see how innocent and harmless they really are.

The public as well must take on a similar approach to animals and let go of the common fear that all stray cats and dogs are diseased and are bound to hurt us. Rather than being so hell bent on getting rid of them, why not strive to help them?

Many shelters, like ESMA, are now closed and can only accept urgent cases due to the lack of funding and resources because they have no sponsors or endorsements from the government, major companies or corporations, and as a result, they rely merely on public donations and support.

For this reason, we cannot neglect and overlook a problem that is undeniably clear and existent in our society only because the targets of the problem belong to a different species than us. Non-human species are at the mercy of human beings – they are not inferior, they are only different than us and that does not and should not diminish their rights.

Why Rape Jokes Aren’t Funny

People who suffer from any sort of violation, especially rape, lose their innocence. There are millions of people out there who are victimized by rape and sexual assault. Even though they have physically survived the act of being sexually violated, it is a long and hard road process to recover, both psychologically and emotionally.

There are a few reasons why rape jokes aren’t funny. For starters, making light of a horrible situation only adds insult to injury. You don’t know what it’s like to be pinned down and have things shoved up inside you. You don’t know what it’s like to be scared of sleeping because of the goddamn night terrors and nightmares. You don’t know what it’s like to not want to get out of your house because you’re too damn scared to be violated again. You simply don’t know what it’s like to be a victim of rape.

Rape victims might survive the act itself. Their physical wounds will eventually heal and with much-needed therapy and support, might actually be able to put the past behind them. One thing they don’t leave behind is the psychological pain that sneaks up on them every once in a while. Every rape victim will remember details of their attack and can tell you exactly how they felt during every second it lasted.

The Egyptian Center for Women Rights stated that only 200,000 rape cases are reported annually in Egypt. The exact number or a close estimate to the actual number of rape and/or sexual assault against women is unknown due to the fact that most rape cases go unreported because of the ”shame” that comes with it – a social stigma that almost all societies in the world created.

Another reason why rape jokes aren’t funny is because while you’re acting like a class clown and cracking a wise joke about rape, there’s a high chance an individual who was raped before is sitting right next to you. While you’re laughing, a person next to you is getting flashbacks and is going through the whole ordeal in their heads again while pretending that there is nothing wrong. While you’re sitting there being a complete insensitive little bitch, the person next to you is living their worst nightmare over and over again.

Additionally, when you laugh about rape and/or joke about rape, not only are you’re giving a rapist an excuse to be proud of what they’ve done but you’re actually encouraging the act itself. If we, as a progressive society (supposedly), do not stand against rape but in fact, make light of the situation every chance we get, how the hell would it ever stop?

Next time you decide to crack a dumb joke that is useful to no one, think about the people that are around you because you might be doing more harm than good.

The Beauty of Being Damaged

“Damaged people are dangerous because they know they can survive.” – Josephine Hart.

I remember all the times I was told I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough or smart enough to be anything. I remember being told I was a nobody, that I am nothing and will always be nothing. That I am just another waste of space.

We’ve all had a bully in our lives. Someone who is mean and picks on you constantly. Whether it’s at home or at school, whether it was physical or verbal bullying – we all know a bully or had an encounter with one. The victim is often left anxious, depressed with little to no self-esteem and the haunting feelings of uselessness and helplessness.

My depression is deeply rooted in my childhood, which consisted of neglect, fear and the constant need of approval from parents and teachers. Speaking of my own personal experience with bullying, at home and in school, I still pretty much carry those feelings around. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t say something mean to myself. Whether something about how I look or how stupid I can be sometimes, I have to say something mean and heartbreaking to myself. Something, that I will never say to a friend or a stranger. It is a learned behavior that I picked up at the tender age of 6, continued to my teens, and extended in my 20’s.

The reason why I am telling you this, whoever is reading this and wherever you are, is because I know what it’s like to torture yourself  with your words. I know what it’s like to become a person you hate and despise. I know what it’s like to not be able to look at yourself in the mirror without saying something truly and utterly disgusting to yourself.

There is no magical solution that will make you feel better and make the past disappear. It’s a struggle that you will often have to face and all you need to do is be the person you needed when you were a kid. Be the kind and gentle voice that you so desperately needed to hear. Love and cherish the child within you.

Always remember that you’re beautiful. It doesn’t matter who you are, what you look like, or where you come from – you’re beautiful. It doesn’t matter how broken, battered and bruised you are, you are still beautiful. Noting can change that. Nothing can ever change that.

The beauty of being damaged is that somehow, you still manage enough strength to go on about your day and live your life. The beauty of being damaged is that, despite what you were taught to believe, you’re still standing your ground, you’re still breathing, you’re still here. The beauty of being damaged is that you know exactly what to say to those who need kindness in their lives.

Best of all, the beauty of being damaged is that nothing can really break you.